I think one of the best compliments a stranger can give is “You have a beautiful family.” Someone said that to us recently and I really took it to heart. It’s easy to lose sight of the beauty when we’re around one another so much. But it is a gift.
Shiloh Mathias just celebrated his first birthday. He is a wonderful addition to our family! He brings joy and laughter to our lives every day. I’m thankful for my rough, affectionate, opinionated, fearless, stubborn, silly boy!
I’ll be honest though – this year was extremely difficult for me. His turning one doesn’t magically make it all easier, but it’s an accomplishment.
It’s weird because in many ways my life is better now than it has ever been. I’m grateful for all our blessings. I’m completely smitten by my husband and two boys.
But life with two kids is no joke.
Hormones are no joke.
Postpartum depression is no joke.
I’ve finally admitted that it’s depression and not just “postpartum something.” And while things are mostly good, it still pops up some days. I’ve got a strong support system here to help me through it. I know it’s a been a whole year, but I’m not done fighting. I’ve come a long way and most days are a victory.
Shiloh’s birth was the most empowering thing I’ve ever done. It challenged me in ways I’d never felt before, and left me feeling fantastic. I love to think back on Shiloh’s first few weeks and just relish his newness and all the people who showed up to support us.
When Shiloh was born, I couldn’t even picture what another son would be like. All I knew was Malachi and his personality. When I held Shiloh for the first time, all I could think was “We have another one.”
But it hasn’t taken this guy long to make a name for himself. Shiloh Mathias is his own unique person. He’s fearless when it comes to taking chances and climbing things. He doesn’t yet know the meaning of the word “no,” so we have to watch him constantly so he doesn’t do anything too…adventurous.
Shiloh also has a great sense of humor. He melts my heart with his smirks and frequent giggles. He doesn’t really talk yet, but he has a way of always letting us know what he wants. He finally started saying “Mama” this week, but he mostly says it when he wants food. Shiloh finds Malachi hilarious. We sometimes hear the two of them laughing and have no idea what’s funny.
Shiloh gives great hugs. Everyday he climbs on me, claws my shoulders, throws his arms around my neck, and hugs me tightly, saying “Ahhhhh!” It’s the sweetest thing, but it hurts when his nails aren’t trimmed! When he wants someone else to hold him, he’ll point at them with his index finger and proceed to jump or climb into their arms.
Shiloh’s favorite foods are avocados, watermelon, strawberries, and kale pancakes. He hates blueberries, cheese, and cantaloupe. He doesn’t mind bananas, apples, and most other foods we give him.
Shiloh’s first birthday is a big deal for him, but it’s also a rite of passage for me and Josh. It means we survived our first year with two kids! It means we made it through a tough winter, me working three nights a week, and battling sleep deprivation for eight months. It means we took two kids to Audiofeed Festival. I think we pretty much rock.
I still feel anxious and fatigued sometimes. Not gonna lie, I sometimes go to bed at 7pm! But it’s nothing like the helplessness I used to feel. We’re so proud of our big boy growing more independent! People always comment on how much the boys have grown. I know it’s not visible, but I’ve been growing too. Hopefully growing into a better person.
Shiloh, I’m sorry if I’ve let you down. I’m sorry if I’ve made it all about me. It isn’t really about me, or you. It’s about Jesus and all he’s done through us. I hope you give me grace. God is working in me just like he’s working in you. We have many great years ahead of us. We love you Shiloh Mathias!